my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
