I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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