Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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