he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
