idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
