Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
