In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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