Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
