my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
