We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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