I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
