If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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