We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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