I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
