My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
