Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I intend to get homeless drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
