I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
