Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
