I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
