the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize