Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
