I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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