Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
