Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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