I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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