why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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