We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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