Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
