thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
