Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
