She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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