it wasn't lemon gatorade
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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