In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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