how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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