is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
