So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
