Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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