If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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