new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A bitchslap is in order.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
