omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
