you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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