bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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