Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
