Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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