I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Couch. On fire.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
