trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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