I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
