I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
