just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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