I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
