I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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