Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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