There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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