at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
