He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
