You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
