I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's an acceptable place to lick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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