Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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