Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
