I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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