Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
