That's intense
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
