I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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