Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's blow job season.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
