The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
