Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
