my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
