im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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