Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
