you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
