the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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