Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
