trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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