exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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