hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
