Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
