the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
