I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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