The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
