new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
