I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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