Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
