I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How's work?
Spinning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
