3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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