I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
