she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
